The owners of the Millville Diner were forced to bring in a professional to snake a toilet after Mitt Romney allegedly dropped a presidential-like dump. The candidate has denied this incident claiming he only urinated at the diner. Others, however, disagree with that claim.
"He seemed very uncomfortable when he was speaking to us and was sweating like a pig. All of a sudden he stopped mid sentence and made a quick dash to the bathroom. There's no doubt in my mind he backed up that toilet. I can't vote for a man who would leave such a mess," said local mechanic Darryl "Scoop" Watkins.
Romney's camp released a statement announcing that although the governor does not apologize for his high fiber diet, he did admit to accidentally farting on his way to the restroom. Romney insists his business inside was strictly urinary and would like to formally apologize to those in attendance whom he may have crop dusted on his walk to the dirty restroom.
"While I deny making a dootie at the Millville Diner, I would like to point out that whoever did this was actually a job creator. Had the pot roast not sickened me, I mean whoever got sick, then there would be no need for the plumber. This is a fine example of how Romney in office will create jobs. I may take a big shit first and back things up, but someone will eventually be hired to clean up my mess."
Romney Ryan 2012