Friday, August 29, 2014

Weirdest advertisement for a daycare EVER

So I need to put my kids in daycare, but I want the experience to be a Vegas style, no holds barred type environment where something reckless can happen at any moment -any suggestions?

Seriously, what the hell is with this sign?

"Um, Mrs. Smith, I'd like to tell you why your son has a giant bruise on his leg, but you know that slogan-what happens in daycare stays in daycare."

To be fair, this might have been a doggie day care which in some ways makes this even weirder.  What the hell are you doing with these dogs during the day?  Are you trying to breed the next Labradoodle? Maybe organizing some dog fighting ring?

"Ok, we'll bring Scout up in a second.  You may notice he has a bunch of scratches and some hair missing, but you'll be glad to know he earned $300 today.  I'd love to fill you in on the details know."

Another reason I am fascinated with this sign is the unnecessary follow up, Just Like Vegas!  Like the person who ran this daycare saw it initially and said, "Maybe that's too vague, we have some room left, so let's play it safe."

Maybe this is a Nathan For You prank-who knows?

Was there a marketing meeting that went something like this:

"I want our new clients to feel like they are taking a gamble by leaving us in charge, but also want to add a weird element.  Kind of like that Vegas commercial."

Centerplate CEO starts Kick-A-Puppy Challenge

In response to the popular Ice-Bucket Challenge, Des Hague, CEO of Centerplate, is kicking off his new challenge where you beat the shit out of a puppy to raise awareness & funding for puppy mills.

Hague called out fellow demonic CEO's to take the disturbing challenge.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Kindergarten prodigy allowed to use regular scissors

Dundalk, MD

After three hours of debate, the school board of East Falls Elementary have agreed to allow incoming student, Cornelius Petticoat, the use of normal scissors in lieu of safety scissors, but declined his second request to run with them.

Petticoat, who speaks three languages, was pleased with the board's overall decision.  "I'm happy the board was able to see my point of view.  I stopped using safety scissors when I was 2."

The future kindergartner began his plea with faculty in May 2014 after being forced to use kid scissors throughout Pre-K 4 which he believed impacted his arts and crafts performance.

"If you go back and look at some of the projects I worked on last year, they were by far the best in the class, but well below my normal standards.  That sorry excuse for a cutting device severely impacted my ability to perform precision style cuts of which I am accustomed," said Petticoat.

For the duration of the summer, Cornelius tells MPG that he plans on second guessing his mother's parenting skills and binge watching Game of Thrones from the beginning.