Sunday, September 8, 2013

Insufferable fantasy football nerd ruins game day party

Athens, GA:  Co-worker/fantasy football extremist, Rolland Dupree, managed to spoil a Sunday of food, fun and football with non stop updates about his fantasy players and chest pounding as the opponent's running back broke the 100 yard barrier.

Phrases such as, that's my boy; why didn't I draft him?; and I hate this vulture back! spewed from his mouth like toxic waste.

Party host, Steve Riley was visibly upset.  "I threw him a pity invite late Friday at work, which I now realize was one of the greatest mistakes of my adult life."

During commercial breaks Dupree kicked things up with phone calls to fellow fantasy nerds resulting in shouting matches over who was who's bitch that particular week.

The final straw came in the 4th quarter when Dupree was involved in a heated phone conversation regarding some last minute trade for Sunday night's game and managed to drop his pulled pork sandwich onto the carpet.

Unable to hold back any longer, Riley yelled out a few German commands while pointing at Dupree.  In a matter of two seconds Riley's 5 year old German Shepherd, Rudy, had Dupree pinned to the ground by his neck.  "Guess you're on the disabled list-BITCH," Riley shouted as his guest pleaded for him to call off his dog.    

"I'm not proud of what I did, but given the situation, I felt my actions were appropriate," Riley told police.