Saturday, December 8, 2012

Biggest Job Hunting Myths

Here are 5 job hunting myths that your scum bag resume coach doesn't want you to hear:

Myth #1: Employers check your Facebook page
This is bullshit.  The bozos in HR are way too busy to surf the web.  Experts say they understand that Facebook is a personal site and has no bearing on a job candidates work credentials.  I would recommend that you ignore the so called experts and continue to post controversial photos and updates. It's ok to be yourself in cyberspace.

Myth #2: Be upfront about your felony conviction
Does this make sense?  Would you want to hire an ex-con?  Of course not, which is why you need to lie your ass off.  You can always play dumb after you have worked there for a few weeks.  It's much harder to fire someone once they have proven themselves to be a productive team member.

Myth #3: Show up 15 minutes early to your interview
Do you like it when guests show up early?  Then why are you arriving early?  The person interviewing you will appreciate you showing up at the requested time or a few minutes late.  If your early, it screws up their entire day and you come across as a real pain in the ass before they even meet you.  Casually late or barely on time is the official recommendation.

Myth #4: Don't curse during the interview
This is one of the most egregious myths on the planet.  By being loose and swearing, you are letting the prospective employer see the real you and it puts them at ease as well.  Don't make the mistake of being overly professional.  Nobody wants to hire a nerd.

Myth 5: Don't bad mouth your previous employer
If your last job was perfect, you'd still be there-right?  Companies know this too.  My recommendation is to bash the hell out of your ex-employer so your departure makes sense.  Phrases like, they were idiots, management was horrible, or I hated my old boss are perfectly acceptable terms that I would highly suggest you use.  Everyone loves gossip and this is the time to spill the beans about your old company.

1 comment:

Andrew Goulding said...

Thanks a bundle - I've been unemployed since the GFC and now I realize why I haven't got a job since then. I was so depressed, I've been contemplating suicide. You may have saved my life. Thanks!