Sunday, October 25, 2015

New kid in school distancing himself from friendly nerds

Ian Baker turned down a Halloween party and decided to go trick-or-treating as a final goodbye to the nerdy kids who were so nice to him during his first semester at Daniel Boone Middle School.  The gang knew the time would come and milked it for everything it was worth, going door to door until 9pm Wednesday night.

Joshua Lebenson, who is described as the realist of the geek squad stated, "The first time I saw Ian throw a football, I knew we were on borrowed time.  When he asked insanely basic questions about Harry Potter, it became obvious that he would be graduating to the cool table by Thanksgiving.  We hope our friendly ways will be remembered during wedgie season."

Baker said he is grateful that his pals showed him the ropes until he was able to settle in with kids in his same social class.


Friday, October 2, 2015

Crying babies added to no fly list

The FAA released great news for travelers. Beginning this Wednesday, crying babies or children that appear irritable will no longer be allowed to board domestic flights.
"We have counseled with Homeland Security and in an effort to accommodate the crew and our passenger's sanity, your screaming toddler will be held back with the TSA if he or she is showing any signs of crankiness," FAA Chief, Randy Babbitt told reporters. Later adding, "should the parents wish to leave their child behind, the airlines have agreed to pay cab fare to a local foster home until the parents return."
Regular business traveler Jim Schmoyer said, "This is going to be great! It's bad enough flying coach, let alone sitting next to a crying baby. It's about time someone stood up for the grown ups."
The TSA's litmus test will be a bulletin board of humorous and cute items which they will show the child.  Should the child laugh or at least show signs of apathy, they will be allowed to board.  Any scowl, brow furrowing, or crying will result in a missed flight.