Wednesday, January 2, 2013

5 Groundhog Day facts you didn't know about Punxsutawney Phil

Happy Groundhog Day 2014
We've all thought about stealing Punxsutawney Phil and keeping him as a pet-but think before you act.  Groundhogs are demanding animals and quite honestly belong in the wild,  I trapped one to keep as a pet and the little bastard has cost me thousands.  If you must steal Phil, be prepared for the 5 things you didn't know about the whistle pig. 

1. Hibernation. My groundhog hibernates in my basement all winter long. This may sound like a good thing, but when he wakes up in the spring, it's a different story. Each year, right around March Madness, he waddles up from my basement. He's hungry, horny and ornery.  Picture an angry rottweiler trying to hump your leg all day-staring through you with those cold dark eyes.  It's creepy.

2. Digging. These animals absolutely LOVE to dig. I need to replace the carpeting in my townhouse twice a year. Last July he dug through the dry wall and wedged himself in between the walls. I had to call a contractor to help me remove him AND he bit me during the process. I had to get a rabies shot.

3. Veterinarian Care. Not many vets will even agree to see a "pet" groundhog, let alone have experience in dealing with one. I only brought my little guy to the vet once and it was not a pleasant experience. The vet told me I shouldn't try to domesticate a wild animal.  She was going to call animal control so I smashed a jar of dog treats to distract her so Buford (that's his name) and I could escape.  

4. Not good with kids. When I first trapped Buford, I tried to get him comfortable around children. I assume he perceives children as threats, which is why he started snarling so viciously. I settled out of court with the kid's family, but for safety measures, I now put him on a leash when we go out and tie a piece of string around his snout so he can't snap.

5. Special dietary needs. The pet stores don't carry groundhog food, so I just feed him table scraps which may be why he weighs about 45 pounds and is very lethargic. His favorite snack is Bugles and I sometimes let him eat taffy and pretend he is trying to talk.  I guess it's not all bad, but be warned.

Happy Groundhog Day idiots!