Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Mystery stain spoils couch deal at garage sale


Brenda Edwards was seconds away from handing over $45 for a used couch when her 4 year old son  playfully flipped over a cushion revealing a mystery stain which the owners refused to explain.

"I was definitely concerned when I saw this nasty stain," said Edwards.  "The owners were telling me it was just a water stain but that was bullshit."

MPG had an opportunity to speak with the owner of the couch, Vishal Patel.  When asked if the stain was either pet or human urine, Patel dodged the question and barked that the price is very fair and the item is perfectly fine.  He then offered to knock off an additional $5 which only made Edwards more skeptical.

This double talk from Patel got other bargain hunters nervous about the sanitary conditions of other items including glassware, pitchers and bean bags which all seemed priced well below market value.  With disappearing customers, the Patels plan on donating the majority of the items to Purple Heart, if they will accept them.


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

5 Groundhog Day facts you didn't know about Punxsutawney Phil








Happy Groundhog Day 2014
We've all thought about stealing Punxsutawney Phil and keeping him as a pet-but think before you act.  Groundhogs are demanding animals and quite honestly belong in the wild,  I trapped one to keep as a pet and the little bastard has cost me thousands.  If you must steal Phil, be prepared for the 5 things you didn't know about the whistle pig. 


1. Hibernation. My groundhog hibernates in my basement all winter long. This may sound like a good thing, but when he wakes up in the spring, it's a different story. Each year, right around March Madness, he waddles up from my basement. He's hungry, horny and ornery.  Picture an angry rottweiler trying to hump your leg all day-staring through you with those cold dark eyes.  It's creepy.

2. Digging. These animals absolutely LOVE to dig. I need to replace the carpeting in my townhouse twice a year. Last July he dug through the dry wall and wedged himself in between the walls. I had to call a contractor to help me remove him AND he bit me during the process. I had to get a rabies shot.

3. Veterinarian Care. Not many vets will even agree to see a "pet" groundhog, let alone have experience in dealing with one. I only brought my little guy to the vet once and it was not a pleasant experience. The vet told me I shouldn't try to domesticate a wild animal.  She was going to call animal control so I smashed a jar of dog treats to distract her so Buford (that's his name) and I could escape.  

4. Not good with kids. When I first trapped Buford, I tried to get him comfortable around children. I assume he perceives children as threats, which is why he started snarling so viciously. I settled out of court with the kid's family, but for safety measures, I now put him on a leash when we go out and tie a piece of string around his snout so he can't snap.

5. Special dietary needs. The pet stores don't carry groundhog food, so I just feed him table scraps which may be why he weighs about 45 pounds and is very lethargic. His favorite snack is Bugles and I sometimes let him eat taffy and pretend he is trying to talk.  I guess it's not all bad, but be warned.

Happy Groundhog Day idiots!