Recently unemployed man breaks out the old juggling balls

Unemployed line foreman Zach Durkin recalls the night he was let go from his job, he entered his apartment and fired a set of keys at his corner bookshelf in frustration, knocking down his juggling balls.

"That was my sign," he said as he began juggling.  "This is really the only thing in life that I am really passionate about.  I mean...now I can really get an opportunity to practice and try to earn a living with my gift."

Durkin intends to try out for America's Got Talent in the spring and also plans on incorporating some additional items to his act including bowling pins, chain saws and even mice.

"If I can get the funds together I plan on juggling 3 or 4 mice while I stand in a ring with hungry pythons below.  That added element of suspense should really impress the judges.  I would love to make some costumes for the mice if I can scrape together the money," Durkin tells me while finally taking a break.

Durkin plans on asking his brother to invest in this idea so he can purchase costumes, bowling pins, about a baker's dozen of mice and four pythons.

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Archaeologists find lost Nostradamas revelation

Nostradamas was highly criticized for naming his newborn son Nostra-dumbass, however within 17 years his early prediction was accurate.

At age 2 Nostra-dumbass shoved food in his nostrils, attempting to suck down his meals through his nose.  He never fully grasped the concept of eating or table manners.

At age 6 Nostra-dumbass loses sight in his right eye after accidentally stabbing himself with a fork.  

At age 10 Nostra-dumbass said his first full sentence,

"I soiled my knickers.  He followed by saying,  "My hand toes look different than my feet toes."

At age 12 Nostra-dumbass was kicked out of school for pooping in the urinals and biting his teacher.

At age 17 Nostra-dumbass jumped to his death from a 4 story building holding a bed sheet yelling, "Look daddy I can fly.  Aren't you pr..."

Nostradamus had this revelation two years prior, but kept the news to himself.  Nostradamus wrote about this event in his journal:

"The idiot will plunge from the sky attempting to defeat gravity while his disappointed father shakes his head in disgust."


How to prepare for the 2012 Apocalypse
http://mypetgroundhog.blogspot.com/2010/01/how-to-prepare-for-2012-apocalypse.html

Romney Backs Up Toilet in Florida Diner

The owners of the Millville Diner were forced to bring in a professional to snake a toilet after Mitt Romney allegedly dropped a presidential-like dump.  The candidate has denied this incident claiming he only urinated at the diner. Others, however, disagree with that claim.

"He seemed very uncomfortable when he was speaking to us and was sweating like a pig.  All of a sudden he stopped mid sentence and made a quick dash to the bathroom.  There's no doubt in my mind he backed up that toilet.  I can't vote for a man who would leave such a mess," said local mechanic Darryl "Scoop" Watkins.

Romney's camp released a statement announcing that although the governor does not apologize for his high fiber diet, he did admit to accidentally farting on his way to the restroom.  Romney insists his business inside was strictly urinary and would like to formally apologize to those in attendance whom he may have crop dusted on his walk to the dirty restroom.

"While I deny making a dootie at the Millville Diner, I would like to point out that whoever did this was actually a job creator.  Had the pot roast not sickened me, I mean whoever got sick, then there would be no need for the plumber.  This is a fine example of how Romney in office will create jobs.  I may take a big shit first and back things up, but someone will eventually be hired to clean up my mess."

Romney Ryan 2012